I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
