uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
