Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
