He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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