Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
