whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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