Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
