his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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