i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
