I just cut my nipple shaving
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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