you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
