Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
