my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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