OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
