I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You are the jesus of drinking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
