You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
