DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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