we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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