All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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