porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
