Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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