i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
