i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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