Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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