Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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