What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
