in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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