You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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