He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
