I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
