where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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