i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
