In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
