yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I party with great urgency now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
