I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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