My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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