i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
