You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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