Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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