But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
