my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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