Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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