remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
