NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
