1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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