how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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