My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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