is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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