so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
