Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
