It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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